Merry Christmas!

I would like to thank all my loyal readers, I feel as though I have truly connected with a great many of you. Merry Christmas to all and I'll see you next year!

Semper Fi, Mac!

I was feeling a little less than patriotic yesterday, when I stumbled across a web site for Marine snipers to leave comments and quotes. On the web site I found a sort of prayer that always used to cheer me up, so I thought I would share it with you, who may not have ever experienced the thrill of hunting another human who is hunting you.

Rifleman's Creed

This is my rifle; there are many like it, but this one is mine.

My rifle is my best friend; I must master it, as I must master my life.

My rifle without me is useless; without my rifle, I am useless.

I must fire my rifle true; I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me.

I must shoot him before he shoots me; I will!

My rifle and I know that what counts in war is not the rounds we fire,

the noise of our burst nor the smoke we make.

We know that it is the hits that count; we will hit!

My rifle is human, even as I; because it is my life, thus I will learn it as a brother.

I will learn its strengths, its weaknesses, its parts, accessories, sights and its barrel.

I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage.

I will keep my rifle clean and ready; even as I am clean and ready.

We must become part of each other; we will!

Before God I swear this creed; my rifle and myself are the defenders of my country,

we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of my life.

So be it; until there is no enemy, but peace,

Amen!

Reasons to "NOT" be an American.

I know many of you may disagree, but think about the following.....

1). Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said, when asked about his fathers membership in the Nazi Party, my father was just a soldier and followed orders, belonging to the Nazi party back then, was something akin to being a republican or democrat here.
Hermann Goering said at his war crimes trial, I was only a soldier who followed orders and belonging to the Nazi party was the same as being a republican or democrat in America.

2). Average prison time served for someone caught with pot; 14 years.
Average prison time served for someone caught raping children; 8 months.

3). Ted Kennedy murdered, maybe not first degree, Mary Jo Kapeckne, now claims to be the moral voice of America.

4). Hillary Clinton had Vince Foster killed to prevent him from disclosing the true nature of her many crimes against the people.

5). Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton!

Look into it, you may be very surprised to learn the truth.

Ode To Love...

In response to The Point Being Is, I thought I would share a song that expresses my experience with love. Hope you enjoy.


When I said, I needed you
You said, you would always stay
It wasn't me who changed, but you
And now you've gone away

Don't you know, that now your gone
And I'm left here on my own
Now I have to follow you
And beg you to come home

You don't have to say you love me
Just be close at hand
You don't have to stay forever
I will understand
Believe me
Believe me
I can't help but love you
But believe me, I'll never tie you down

Left alone, just a memory
Life seems dead and so unreal
All that's left is loneliness
There's nothing else to feel

You don't have to say you love me
Just be close at hand
You don't have to stay forever
I will understand
Believe me
Believe me
Oh, believe me!

Iran's official.........

Iran's official statement: Uh, nope, no queers here. I think Apoop Abujimmy-jihad-abubbadump should have been killed yesterday. O.K., so there would have been some issues, but if I were in charge this is how it would have happened.

Finding a militant, disgruntled, political asylum seeking hater of old Apoop could not be that hard. I would have found one or two and offered them and their families asylum if they capped Apoops ass. Forget security, you simply fake aggression towards another delegate, thus drawing the security teams away from Apoop, giving our la, la, la, la, la, la more than enough time to get the job done and get away.

I know, I know, what about the political fallout? How would we explain that it wasn't a U.S. plot?
Read on.

Remember, I am the acting President addressing the media here:

"My fellow Americans, members of the propaganda corps, distinguished guests, to the best our intelligence agencies can conclude, the perpetrator of the attack almost certainly appeared to be one of Iran's non existent ninja queers. Sorry, but Apoop said there were no queer Iranians, so we really didn't know how to catch someone that didn't exist. We would try to find them, but how do you catch a unicorn? On a brighter note however, before Apoop died, he signed over, to the United States, exclusive ownership of Iran and gave us permission to transfer all Iranian assets to our bank account. In closing, all I can say is, God blessed America!"

It's Twosday!

Today is officially Twosday for those of you who didn't know. And Twosday actually started yesterday. Following is how the day came to be:

Yesterday I saw my doctor, who told me he wanted me to take these things and lay down for two days, starting, twoday. So, this morning I made two phone calls, I then took two muscle relaxants, I then took two pain pills, then I decided I should take my last two Valium to help me sleep. Well, after all that, I decided maybe two fingers of scotch may go well with my current attempt to relax my muscles. Top it all off with two doses of an herbal remedy, and I think my muscles are relaxed? I can't tell you for sure, as I can no longer feel any part of my body.

My only hope, is that when the Martians, who continue to hover over my house finally land, they have some advanced medical information which will..................................oh yeaq, have a happy Twosday!

The King is Gone!

A moment of silence please, while I reminisce on the good old days of Elvis, playing outside and fearing my parents more than the police.

When You Can Snatch th Pebble..........

The following is a pep talk for the slightly to moderately discouraged. It's written rough so as to have the appearance of a locker room battle cry. Enjoy?


hmmmm, where to start? o.k., first, your a very smart guy, that's one plus. second, if I had your education, I'd be the CEO of Microsoft right now. so don't sell your education short. you may have to suck it up for a couple of years, most CEO's are in their late 50's, early 60's. QUIT WORRYING ABOUT THE MONEY! I know you think that's easy for me to say at this point in my life, but twenty years ago, I remember having to go to the pawn shop in between everyday payday and hawk everything I owned just to buy food for my family. fuck, rent? bring a big gun cause I don't have it this week, but my baby's not leaving!
talk to me tomorrow, figure out what makes you want to get out of bed every day. and quit over analyzing everything. let life happen, find a passion, then the money might come. yeaq, I know, I said might, but that is life my good friend. say this to yourself in the mirror every morning for a week; HIS HIGHNESS IS RIGHT WHERE HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE TODAY, and find a genuine reason to smile while you say it. just try it, what do you have to lose?



Advertisement: Please buy lots and lots of my product, I'm late with my yacht payment.

If Your Going To Ride.....

If your going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair! Interest peaked? I saw this statement on a license plate frame after eating lunch with a couple of my business partners last week. My first thought was, of course, she probably looks like Sandra Bullock, my second thought, yeaq, totally could visualize the whole act! Me and Sandra, I always knew she loved me and that those restraining orders were just some kind of foreign fore play. But maybe I should get to the point.

False advertising sucks! You know what the hair pullee really looked like. I won't even go there, except to say this: DO NOT DO THAT! Don't put something on your car that's going to put me through that whole thing. Do not put a license plate frame on your car that says Hot, Luscious or Juicy if you are not indeed one of the a fore mentioned. Really, on my way to the nap factory where I work occasionally, one morning I saw a license plate frame on a cute little sports car which read: ONE LUSCIOUS LADY! Bull shit! I could have received a $ 1,000.00 speeding ticket, just to catch up and find a 600lb one toothed gorilla eating, I shit you not, a cheeseburger from each hand. Never a grenade launcher around when you need one.

Lastly, to the guy at the hot dog stand at the little street faire thingy, if you don't want me staring at your wife's totally hot ass, please throw away all of those cute little pants that say things like, please come fuck me hard Mike. O.K., so not every pair say exactly that. However, most of the ones I've seen on women not shopping at Wal Mart, say exactly that.

Please no more false advertising. Unless of course, you actually are, Hot, Wet, Pink, Juicy, Ready and Willing. In that case, you should take two glasses of tequila and call me immediately!

Bizarro World?

Ever have one of those bizarro conversations that came from no where and ended no where? Well, I think this was one.....


Tre said...
Brown Eyes?
July 8, 2007 6:56 AM


Cal B. said...
Yes Brown eyes, I wrote this 13 years ago.What you don't like it???
July 8, 2007 10:21 AM


Tre said...
my eyes are f*cking blue!
July 9, 2007 2:44 PM


Cal B. said...
Yes I know what color your eyes are... I guess it's a good thing I didn't write it for you!!
July 9, 2007 9:52 PM


Tre said...
fuckin' brown eye!
July 10, 2007 11:27 AM



Kids, don't ever try this at home.

Dear Mr. President

Dear Mr. President,

As you know, your term as my President, (fuck you, if he's not yours), is coming to a close. While this is rather depressing, there are still many urgent matters to be resolved. I know from watching the news that you are extremely busy, being the most powerful man in the world and all. So, in the interest of helping you, I have prepared a list of tasks which should be completed in order to consider your presidency a success. Please keep in mind sir, that I voted for you twice, your father twice and against that sicko, (cause he fucks ugly chicks), Bill Clinton twice. These items are actionable because they're what I expected you would have done.

1). Shoot Ted Kennedy.

2). Shoot Ted Kennedy, (he's fat and pickled on scotch, I don't think once will be enough).

3). Offer a bounty on the heads of illegal aliens, (regardless of ethnicity).

4). Cancel the Academy Awards, permanently.

5). Cancel Paris Hilton.

6). Bomb the Middle East, et al.

7). Bomb France.

8). Complete the reunification of Germany, (they've whipped Frances' ass four or five times in the last five hundred years and we keep giving it back to the same bunch of retards that keep losing it to the Germans). DUH!

9). Legalize it! I mean fuck, it's like 2007 already!

10). Deport Schwarzenegger, is that even how you fucking spell it, back to the Fatherland, or maybe make him Governor of Frank. Frank, is the New Germany pronunciation and spelling of France.


Now, should you disagree with me, I don't think you will, but if you do, I offer you this toast:

Here's to you
Here's to me
but, should we ever disagree
Fuck You
Here's to me.


Sincerely,

Mr. I. M. Getinit, et al.

Cut & Paste Video, is not a POST!

Ever notice how trends tend to move in one direction or another? Lately I've noticed the tendency from certain bloggers, to take slightly less than a keen interest in the quality of their blogs. While I would never intentionally hurt any ones feelings, I just think that cut & paste video is just one step away from marrying Labradors. I mean, it doesn't take a lot of mental prowess to post ready-made video. So , while I did thoroughly enjoy watching..... HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, ha ha ha, I'm a fucking squirrel!

My Darling, Princess-Angel

How was your day beautiful? You know, I was thinking about what happened 11 years ago this very day. I drove your mom to the hospital around 6 or 6:30 in the morning. At about 8:35, I saw the most beautiful and precious sight I had ever, (and have ever), seen in my life. Know what it was? It was you, the core of my heart and keeper of my soul. From the moment I saw you, I knew why I was here. They washed you up, handed you to me and my heart melted. When they asked me if I wanted to cut the cord, I hesitated briefly. My hand shook as I cut, but I managed to do it.

Since that day, you've brought your mother and I much joy and happiness. You've scared us to death a couple of times but mostly you've made us proud. Watching you learn and grow over the years has given me memories I will cherish forever. I know your growing up now, but I hope I will always be your daddy!

I Love You Mostest!

Dad

P.S. You should see if you can still get on a softball team, cause you know that you totally rock! And, gymnastics is for girls who can't drink whiskey!

Management Team Under Investigation

.... while the company has long been applauded, by many on wall street, for its open corporate culture, a recent leak of board meeting minutes by an unnamed source has caused concern with many analysts. Following, is a brief part of that record:

3:03pm, CIO has become so intoxicated, he has retired to the server room to "sleep it off"


3:14pm, CEO was last seen in an adjoining office with the CIO's assistant snorting a white powdery substance and smoking, what could only be described as, a skunks ass, out of a small electro-mechanical device

3:35pm, The Chairman's dog ate the meat platter, all is not well as the CEO has the munchies and is threatening to eat the dog


3:47pm, The CEO's assistant appears to have died from a shell-fish allergy, however, I fear she won't be discovered until tomorrow morning by the cleaning crew.

3:53pm, Meeting Adjourned!

Well, in this reporters view, tomorrows another day!

Bush Lied?

I've come to the conclusion that President Bush has lied. However, the lies he told were far more serious than what the liberal media is harping about. No, his lie was deep and will have severe repercussions well into the future for my beloved America. How can I possibly claim to be a conservative and accuse the president of lying? Read on.......



First let us start with the borders. As Commander in Chief, it is President Bush's' sworn duty to protect the Union from all threats, both foreign and domestic, at least that's what I remember him saying at his inauguration. So, give the National Guard bullets and, instead of acting like greeters at Wal-Mart, they can actually defend our country.



Next, briefly, Hugo Chavez. 1 shot, 1 kill. That's all I'm saying.



Spending is another area where the President doesn't get it. The President has pissed away billions trying to win the support and cooperation of those on the left. And what did he gain? Nothing, the left hates him because he stands for morality. He could smoke a joint with Marion Barry, and they still wouldn't like him.

Yes, the president has let us true conservatives down. On more than one opportunity during the last six years, he had chances to show the country who the Democratic Party really was, only to let his chance go by. The real lie was that he was a conservative.

In closing, I say we withdraw from Iraq, invade Mexico, drink tequila and listen to Jimmy Buffet.

Site Under Construction!

Yeaq, I don't know exactly what I'm going to write here, but if its interesting, then I guess I got lucky. Keep your eyes glued to this site as we go through the exciting and challenging task of formulating a cognitive thought!
Some possibly exciting topics may include:

Women, why the hell would you do that?

It won't work like that, (the series, or maybe mini-series, or maybe....)

You stuck your finger in what?

How to be a player, when your down in the back!

And much, much more idiotic ramblings as deemed necessary to keep some semblance of sanity.